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2025 · Week 5

Week 5: The Good Ladds Drop a 191-Burger and Rub My Chubb Lights It on Fire

Six matchups, one 47-point bench fart, and a Malik Nabers fire sale — the Delt Dynasty just had its messiest week yet.

Power Rankings

1
▲9
The Good Ladds
191.72 is a flex, Jayden 1 + Tetty Bear + JT is a war crime, and Mig56 is currently the scariest man in the league.
2
▲9
Rub My Chubb
Scored 173 and lost — BigD is the Buffalo Bills of this league, all ammo and zero rings.
3
▲5
Egbukkake
62 points from two starters and szara still lost by a field goal because Erick None and Insta Drop showed up dressed for brunch.
4
·
Christian McCalfinjury
Won by 3.46 with 27 bench points unused — mattwunder is speedrunning a heart attack and it's only Week 5.
5
▼3
Browning Out
Patrickreegs benched Jake Browning for 22 points on a team named Browning Out, which is the most on-brand self-own of the season.
6
▲1
Stroud Boys
Money Mill$ stays on the pine while Stroud cooks — bjewett finally looks like a real team again.
7
▼1
Little Peckers
Mahomes 27, fleeced LargestOfRocks for Josh Jacobs, and Unc keeps trucking — 7BigPapi7 is quietly building something nasty.
8
—
T swift's Baddies
Tnicolle dropped 142 on the worst lineup of the week; congrats on beating the JV squad, your trophy is in the mail.
9
▼4
Nut Olave Your Face
107 points with Big Penix, Big cock brock, and Mustard in the lineup is a roster crime — nickcelli might need to call the commissioner on himself.
10
▼9
OnlyFants
ChrisCubby's roster has the production of a content account that hasn't posted since March.
11
▲1
QAmon
Tiny-Handed Vampire and ShAmon-Ra combined for a whole lot of nothing while KyleDech blames King Unc for not playing this week.
12
▼3
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
Left 47.66 on the bench, then traded for an ACL — LargestOfRocks is single-handedly funding everyone else's playoff push.
Match of the Week

The Good Ladds vs. Rub My Chubb was a 365-point shootout that should've been pay-per-view. Rico Dowdle (32.4), Ja'Marr Chase (29), and AJ Barner (27.8 from a TIGHT END, what is happening) put up 173 — and BigD still lost by 18 because Jonathan Taylor went full nuclear for 31.6 and Mig56 had FOUR bench guys he probably forgot existed. Scoring 173 and losing is a uniquely cruel form of psychological damage.

T swift's Baddies took Nick out behind the woodshed 142-107, the lowest score of the week. Big cock brock, Mustard, My Njigba — doesn't matter what cute names you give them when they all decide to nap on the same Sunday. Tnicolle didn't even need to try, and that should keep you up at night.

LargestOfRocks deserves his own circle of hell this week. McBridesStrangeWhiteHock left 47.66 points on the bench — that is not a typo. Sam Darnold dropped 28.64 in street clothes, Theo Johnson hung 24.3, and somehow this man started his actual lineup and lost to Browning Out by 21. Then he turned around and traded for Malik Nabers, who is currently on IR with a torn ACL. Iconic. Patrickreegs won despite Jake Browning chunking 22 points from the bench of the team literally NAMED after him — read the room, Patrick.

McCalfinjury survived Egbukkake by 3.46 in a game szara is going to replay in his head until February. The Mascot went for 31.3, Proven Auto-start Kyren ripped 31.1, and Erick None did Erick None things. Mattwunder won by the skin of CMC's fragile hammies and ALSO left Jacory Croskey-Merritt's 27 points on the pine. Efficiency is for cowards apparently.

Stroud Boys rode C.J. Stroud's 28.76 to handle ChrisCubby's OnlyFants, which continues to underperform its name. And Little Peckers got Mahomes for 27.72, a fresh Josh Jacobs from the Nabers heist, and a tidy W over QAmon — where Tiny-Handed Vampire and ShAmon-Ra apparently both forgot their cleats. KyleDech is 100% going to blame Turf Toe Joe in the group chat by Tuesday.

Weekly Awards

Bench Coach of the Year
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock

47.66 points unused, then bought Malik Nabers' MRI report — a true visionary.

Loudest L
Rub My Chubb

173.78 points, an AJ Barner masterpiece, and a loss — get this man a hug and a therapist.

The Mascot Award
Egbukkake

Emeka lived up to the nickname with 31.3, and szara still lost by 3.46 — peak Egbukkake suffering.

Beat the JV Squad
T swift's Baddies

Crushed the lowest scorer in the league by 35; don't pull a hamstring on the celebration lap.