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2025 · Week 3

T Swift Drops a 202-Burger While Stroud Boys Get Curb-Stomped Into the Taxi Squad

Week 3 brought a 202-point nuke, an 89-point beatdown, a 1.26 paper cut, and Egbukkake leaving an entire team's worth of points on the pine.

Power Rankings

1
▲2
T swift’s Baddies
Hung 202 with Ferguson going nuclear at TE — you're the scariest team in the league and you didn't even need Luther Burden's 19.80 off the bench.
2
▲4
Christian McCalfinjury
181 points with Kincaid's 20 benched is just rude — Wunder is bullying the league with a roster named after an injury.
3
▼1
Nut Olave Your Face
100% lineup efficiency and a 34-point W — the only manager in the league who actually opens his app before kickoff.
4
▲5
The Good Ladds
Jonathan Taylor went supernova and Mig still only won by 6.98 — start praying the Jaydens hit soon.
5
▲3
Rub My Chubb
Geno Smith is your QB1 right now and you're 2-1, which says everything about the rest of this league.
6
▼1
Browning Out
Won by 1.26 and looked like he was gonna throw up doing it — a W is a W, Patrick, take your Pepto.
7
▼3
QAmon
ShAmon-Ra and Tiny-Handed Vampire showed up and you still lost by a point and change — brutal.
8
▼1
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
121 points and a loss to Geno Smith is the most LargestOfRocks outcome possible.
9
▲1
Egbukkake
Left 80.90 on the bench and still cracked 125 — imagine what could happen if Szara learned what 'Start' means.
10
▼9
Little Peckers
Hampton went for 24.90, Unc did Unc things, and you still lost — at least you traded for Kayshon Boutte, the patron saint of nothing.
11
·
OnlyFants
Lost by 77 with Mark Andrews dropping 30 on the bench — Cubby, lineups are due BEFORE the games start.
12
·
Stroud Boys
92.36 in a SuperFlex league is malpractice — Money Mill$ ain't paying any bills.
Match of the Week

Browning Out 109.52 vs QAmon 108.26 — the closest game of the week and the only one that didn't feel like elder abuse. Kyle's squad got a 1.26-point heart attack courtesy of Tiny-Handed Vampire and ShAmon-Ra not quite being enough, while Patrick stumbled across the finish line like a man who forgot he was even playing. A win is a win, but nobody's printing this box score and framing it.

Let's start with the war crime: T swift's Baddies hung 202 on OnlyFants. Lamar (27.02), Gibbs (26.90), and Jake Ferguson putting up 27.70 as a TIGHT END is the kind of weekend that makes the rest of the league check the waiver wire and consider therapy. Meanwhile Cubby's OnlyFants left Mark Andrews and his 30.10 rotting on the bench to lose by 77 — congrats, you found a way to make 124 points feel like an L within an L.

Then Christian McCalfinjury took Stroud Boys behind the woodshed 181.66 to 92.36. Bjewett, my guy, 92 points in a SUPERFLEX league is a felony. Money Mill$ is not the answer. The Prodigal Son needs to come home with some actual points. Wunder dropped 181 and still left Dalton Kincaid's 20-spot benched — pure 'I'm so deep I can afford to be careless' energy.

Now let's talk about Egbukkake, the most painful box score of the year so far. Szara scored 125, lost by 34 to Nut Olave Your Face, and left EIGHTY POINTS on the bench. Tre Tucker dropped 40.90 with 'Press in case of emergency' literally tattooed on his nickname and you didn't press it. Giant Hog HHH Henry posted 33 from the pine while Erick None did Erick None things in your lineup. That's not a lineup decision, that's a hate crime against yourself. Perc Hurts went for 29 and it didn't even matter.

Nickcelli meanwhile ran a perfect 100% efficient lineup — Nail polish enthusiast painted up 29.12 and Big Penix got the win. The Good Ladds squeaked past Little Peckers behind a 32.80 Jonathan Taylor explosion while Omarion Hampton wasted 24.90 in a loss — Unc couldn't save him. And Rub My Chubb rode Geno Smith of all people (26.06, what year is it) past McBride's WhiteHock by 7.74. Geno Smith winning you fantasy games in 2025 is the kind of thing you don't tell your kids about.

Weekly Awards

The Mushroom Cloud
T swift’s Baddies

202 points and three different starters over 26 — this wasn't fantasy football, this was a public execution.

Bench Cuck of the Week
Egbukkake

80.90 points on the bench including a 40-piece from Tre Tucker — Szara, the nickname literally TELLS you when to press the button.

Participation Trophy
Stroud Boys

92.36 points in week 3 of a SuperFlex league should come with a wellness check from the commissioner.

Heartbeat Away
QAmon

Lost by 1.26 — somewhere a single Joe Flacco incompletion is ruining Kyle's entire week.