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2025 · Week 2

Little Peckers Swing Big, QAmon Benches a Buick

Week 2 served up a 0.64-point heart attack, a 42-point execution, and the most expensive bench in fantasy history.

Power Rankings

1
▲9
Little Peckers
175 points and a 42-burger says Unc and the Peckers are the early-season problem nobody booked a solution for.
2
▲2
Nut Olave Your Face
97.1% lineup efficiency, Big Penix, Mustard, and Better Than Bo all eating — Nickcelli is playing chess while the league plays Sleeper.
3
—
T swift’s Baddies
Outscored a 36-point Ja'Marr Chase performance and didn't blink — Tnicolle's roster is deeper than the league realizes.
4
▲8
QAmon
Scored 158 and lost by a point because Kyle left a Honda Civic on the bench, but the talent is undeniably top-tier.
5
▲2
Browning Out
Puka popped for 27 and Patrick quietly sits at 2-0 while everyone else is screaming on Twitter.
6
▼1
Christian McCalfinjury
Wunder's winning ugly, which is on-brand for a team named after a guy who's currently in a walking boot.
7
▼6
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
A win is a win, but starting the lineup that left Renfrow's 23 on the pine is a confidence-shaker.
8
▲1
Rub My Chubb
Ja'Marr Chase put the entire roster on his back, slipped, and BigD's team faceplanted with him.
9
▼7
The Good Ladds
Mig has six Jaydens, traded picks for nothing in particular, and benched 22 points from GOAT Young — the vision is fuzzy.
10
▼7
Egbukkake
Lowest score of the week and a roster headlined by Erick None and Insta Drop — Szara's panic-trading for Mooney already tells you everything.
11
▼5
OnlyFants
Cubby's content this season is mostly L's and bench points; the subscriber count is dropping.
12
▼1
Stroud Boys
Got bodied by 42 while Russell Wilson's 31 rotted on the bench — Bjewett, that's not a lineup decision, that's a war crime.
Match of the Week

Nut Olave Your Face squeaking past QAmon 159.26 to 158.62 was the kind of game that ages a man ten years. ShAmon-Ra dropped 39.20 and Tiny-Handed Vampire added 33.96 — and Kyle STILL lost because he left 49.92 points on the bench, including Troy Franklin's 24 and dead rat's 21.68. Meanwhile Nickcelli ran a 97.1% efficient lineup like a man who actually opens the Sleeper app before Sunday.

Let's start with the public hanging: Little Peckers 175, Stroud Boys 132. Bjewett, buddy — Russell Wilson dropped 31.30 ON YOUR BENCH. You started somebody else at QB in a SuperFlex league while Russ was outscoring half the starters in this league. Money Mill$ couldn't save you, and the Prodigal Son ain't walking through that door. Meanwhile 7BigPapi7 had Malik Nabers (37.70) and Tucker Kraft (27.40) tag-teaming a corpse.

QAmon deserves his own paragraph in the Loss Prevention Manual. Kyle scored 158.62 — second-highest of the week — and somehow LOST by less than a point because he benched 49.92 points. ShAmon-Ra and the Tiny-Handed Vampire combined for 73 and it wasn't enough. That is league-altering malpractice. Frame it.

T Swift's Baddies cooked Rub My Chubb 161-147 even though Ja'Marr Chase went thermonuclear for 36.50. When your opponent's WR1 hangs 36 and you still lose by 14, BigD, that's not bad luck — that's a roster problem. James Cook (26.50) just casually walked all over you.

McBridesStrangeWhiteHock edged OnlyFants by 7.74 while Hunter Renfrow — yes, that Hunter Renfrow, the one you forgot retired and un-retired — put up 23.80 on the bench. ChrisCubby, your team is named OnlyFants and the only thing subscribing this week was an L.

Christian McCalfinjury survived The Good Ladds 137-135 in a game decided by Mig benching GOAT Young's 22.32. Jayden 1, Jayden 2, Jaydon 3 — you've got more Jaydens than wins, my guy. And Browning Out handled Egbukkake 145-129 because Szara's roster of Erick None, Insta Drop, and Poopoo Atwell is exactly as productive as those nicknames suggest. The Mascot can only do so much.

Weekly Awards

Bench Cobb of the Week
QAmon

49.92 points left on the bench in a game lost by 0.64 — a performance so bad it should be studied at Wharton.

Sledgehammer Award
Little Peckers

175.08 points and a 42-point beatdown — 7BigPapi7 didn't beat Stroud Boys, he reformatted them.

Carried Like Groceries
Rub My Chubb

Ja'Marr Chase dropped 36.50 and BigD still took the L — somebody check on the other eight starters.

Russ Was Right There
Stroud Boys

Benching 31.30 from Russell Wilson in SuperFlex is the kind of move that gets your group chat muted.