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2025 · Week 16

Nut Olave Your Face Drops a 227 Nuke and McBride Gets Buried Alive

Semifinal weekend turned into a bloodbath, a coronation, and one 2.68-point heart attack that nobody asked for.

Power Rankings

1
▲7
Nut Olave Your Face
Just dropped 227 in a semifinal at 95% efficiency — the rest of the league is playing for second.
2
▲1
OnlyFants
Three QBs over 31 in a SuperFlex league is straight-up illegal in 38 states.
3
▼1
Browning Out
Puka Nacua just put up 46.5 and Patrick is one win from a chip — terrifying timing.
4
▲6
Egbukkake
Won by 2.68 with Tyjae Spears decomposing on the bench, which is somehow extremely on-brand.
5
·
T swift's Baddies
Left 56 points on the bench AND still won — imagine if Tnicolle ever set a lineup on purpose.
6
▲6
Little Peckers
Beat the league's corpse by 52, which is like flexing for winning a footrace against a folding chair.
7
▲2
QAmon
Lost by 2.68 with 21 points on the bench — Kyle, that's not bad luck, that's a self-inflicted wound.
8
▲3
Christian McCalfinjury
CMC dropped 32.6 and Matt still got smoked by 50 — the team name remains undefeated.
9
▼3
The Good Ladds
Diggs put up 22.8 from the bench while none of the Jaydens 1-3 showed up to work.
10
▼9
Rub My Chubb
Scored 151 and lost by 64 — sometimes the dice just hate you, BigD.
11
▼7
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
Just got 130-burgered in an elimination game; the autopsy will take weeks.
12
▼5
Stroud Boys
73.98. In Week 16. With Money Mill$ at the helm. The Prodigal Son ain't walking through that door.
Match of the Week

Egbukkake outlasted QAmon by a whopping 2.68 points in a game that should've been a bloodbath the other way — Tyjae Spears dropped 21.5 on KyleDech's bench while he started ghosts. Chase Brown's 32.9 saved szara's entire season, and somehow ShAmon-Ra and Tiny-Handed Vampire couldn't bail Kyle out. The closest game of the week, the most painful loss of the year — that's a hall-of-fame coin flip.

Let's start with the war crime. Nut Olave Your Face hung TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN POINTS on McBridesStrangeWhiteHock, a 130-point margin that should be reported to The Hague. Better than Bo went off for 36.8, Madison Beer's side piece dropped 30.2, and Mustard added 29.8 — meanwhile LargestOfRocks mustered 97.2 like he was trying to lose on purpose. Nick hit 95.3% lineup efficiency in a semifinal. Disgusting. Beautiful. Disgusting.

OnlyFants quietly put up 215 because Cubby just casually started Brock Purdy (31.9), Ashton Jeanty (31.8), AND Trevor Lawrence (31.16) in the same lineup. That's not a fantasy team, that's a cheat code. Rub My Chubb scored 151 and still lost by 64 — BigD, you played fine, you just ran into a buzzsaw wearing a thong.

Browning Out rode Puka Nacua's 46.5-point apocalypse to dump 193 on Christian McCalfinjury, who got 32.6 from his namesake CMC and still couldn't crack 142. Matt also left Romeo Doubs and his 19.4 rotting on the pine. The injury jokes write themselves at this point.

T swift's Baddies beat The Good Ladds 135-111, but let's not pretend this was clean — Tnicolle left 56.64 points on the bench, including Alec Pierce's 24.6 and Chig Okonkwo's 19.4. You won by 24 with a lineup that should've scored 192. That's like winning a fistfight with both hands tied behind your back and then bragging about it. Mig, meanwhile, watched Stefon Diggs drop 22.8 on his bench while 3rd Overall Somehow did 3rd Overall Somehow things.

And then there's Stroud Boys. 73.98. Lowest score of the week. Money Mill$ couldn't even buy a touchdown. Bjewett, your season ended with a whimper, a fart, and a Davis Mills box score. Little Peckers happily collected the W on cruise control.

Weekly Awards

War Crime of the Week
Nut Olave Your Face

227.8 points and a 130-point margin in a semifinal — Nick didn't win a game, he committed an atrocity.

Coward's Bench Award
T swift's Baddies

Won by 24 while leaving 56.64 points (Pierce + Chig combo platter) rotting on the pine — set a damn lineup.

Heimlich Maneuver Required
QAmon

Lost by 2.68 with Tyjae Spears' 21.5 on the bench — Kyle choked on a chicken bone in his own kitchen.

Money Mill$ Memorial Trophy
Stroud Boys

73.98 points in Week 16 is less a fantasy score and more a cry for help.