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2025 · Week 15

Semifinal Slaughterhouse: Browning Out and Rub My Chubb Curb-Stomp Their Way Into the Final

Two 40-burgers, one TE going full Megatron, and T Swift leaving an entire QB on the bench in a 7-point loss — playoff football, baby.

Power Rankings

1
▲2
Rub My Chubb
97.3% lineup efficiency and a 48-point beatdown — BigD is playing chess while the rest of the league is eating the pieces.
2
▼1
Browning Out
186.78 with Tony Pollard's 18 rotting on the bench is borderline disrespectful to the sport.
3
▲2
OnlyFants
Trevor Lawrence finally remembered he was drafted #1 overall, and Cubby is one win from a ring.
4
▲4
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
Trey McBride dropped 43.4 to single-handedly justify the franchise name and the playoff seed.
5
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T swift's Baddies
Posted 127, left 41 on the bench, and benched a 26-point QB — losing by 7 was karma issuing an itemized receipt.
6
▼4
The Good Ladds
Got beat by 41 and benched Brissett for 21 — Mig somehow turned 'Jayden 1, 2, and 3' into Jayden Zero.
7
▲5
Stroud Boys
Kyle Pitts goes for 51, Waller adds 29, The Prodigal Son chips in 30, and it's worth zero playoff dollars — peak bjewett.
8
▲1
Nut Olave Your Face
Mustard cooked for 29.5 in a game that meant nothing; Big Cock Brock and Big Penix watched from the couch.
9
▼2
QAmon
ShAmon-Ra puts up 41.4 in a meaningless week while Troy Franklin's 20.8 collects dust — Kyle's season in one sentence.
10
▲1
Egbukkake
117.6 in a playoff game with The Mascot and Perc Hurts is how dynasties die — quietly, and with Erick None active.
11
▼5
Christian McCalfinjury
Benching Mike Evans for 19.2 in Week 15 is a fitting capstone to the McCalfinjury Experience.
12
▼8
Little Peckers
Lowest score, biggest blowout victim — the team name has officially become a scouting report.
Match of the Week

McBridesStrangeWhiteHock survived T swift's Baddies by 7.12, which sounds dramatic until you realize Tnicolle benched Kirk Cousins for 26.92 points and left 41.12 total on the pine. Trey McBride literally posted 43.40 to justify the team name existing, while T Swift played the role of guy who brings a knife to a gunfight and then leaves the knife in the car. Closest game of the week, but only because the loser actively sabotaged himself.

Welcome to the semifinals, where Browning Out reminded everyone what a 186.78 looks like and The Good Ladds got lapped by 41.90 like they were running a 5K against a Ferrari. Mig56 had Travis Etienne pop for 31.5, and STILL left 120% Kyler (Brissett) sitting on the bench with 21.56 points he desperately needed. That's not a lineup decision, that's a confession. Bo Nix dropped 29.08, Tony Pollard wasted 18.20 on Patrickreegs's bench, and Browning Out still hung 186 — the rich get richer.

Over in the other bloodbath, Rub My Chubb hit 97.3% lineup efficiency and turned Little Peckers into Even Littler Peckers, 166.28 to 117.58. BigD1234567 played the perfect game; 7BigPapi7 played like a man trying to lose on purpose to get a top draft pick that doesn't exist in dynasty. Unc Aaron Jones could not save him. Nothing could.

OnlyFants rode Trevor Lawrence's 44.30 to bury Egbukkake 146-117.60, which means szara's collection of nicknames — Erick None, Insta Drop, WR1 Tillman — finally lived up to their billing at the worst possible moment. The Mascot couldn't carry the offense and Perc Hurts apparently forgot it was December.

Meanwhile, in the cheap seats, Stroud Boys' bjewett watched Kyle Pitts catch fire for FIFTY-ONE POINTS, plus Darren Waller dropping 29 like it's 2020, plus The Prodigal Son adding 30.10 — a 110-point trio of corpses, ghosts, and rookies — and it didn't matter because his team isn't playing for anything. ShAmon-Ra went for 41.40 for QAmon and KyleDech also has nothing to do but stare at Troy Franklin's 20.80 rotting on the bench. Mattwunder benched Mike Evans for 19.20 in a game he wasn't even playing in. Spiritually, everyone lost something this week.

Weekly Awards

Bench Coordinator of the Year
T swift's Baddies

Lost by 7.12 with 41.12 stapled to the bench — Cousins put up 26.92 in street clothes.

Big Dick Energy Award
Rub My Chubb

97.3% efficiency and a 48-point demolition — the only team that actually showed up to play playoff football.

Wasted Greatness Trophy
Stroud Boys

Kyle Pitts: 51. Waller: 29. Henderson: 30. Playoff relevance: 0.

Welcome To The Final Boss
Browning Out

186.78 in a semifinal and Bo Nix is genuinely cooking — somebody check on Patrickreegs's neighbors.