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2025 · Week 14

BROWNING OUT THE LIGHTS, STROUD BOYS OUT OF EXCUSES

Week 14 saw a 207-point nuclear strike, a 67-point fart, and Nut Olave benching half a starting lineup like he's trying to lose on purpose.

Power Rankings

1
▲2
Browning Out
207 points and Tony Pollard didn't even leave the bench — this team is operating on cheat codes.
2
▲5
The Good Ladds
3rd Overall Somehow finally went supernova and Mig still left a 21-point Rodgers on the pine — terrifying ceiling.
3
▼1
Rub My Chubb
Beat the worst team in the league by 55, which is like beating up a kid in a wheelchair — congrats?
4
▲7
Little Peckers
Tee Higgins ate, Unc still cooks, and Papi quietly looks like a real problem heading into playoffs.
5
▲1
OnlyFants
Lost by 3 with 26 Blake Corum points on the bench — Cubby is one lineup decision away from being a contender or a meme.
6
▼5
Christian McCalfinjury
Won by 3.38 in a game so ugly the box score filed a restraining order.
7
▲2
QAmon
Turf Toe Joe goes 25, ShAmon-Ra exists, and Kyle still finds a way to lose by a field goal.
8
▼4
McBridesStrangeWhiteHock
Won despite leaving 23 Darnold points on the bench — that's not a strategy, that's a horoscope.
9
▼4
Nut Olave Your Face
Left 45 points on the bench and somehow only lost by 10 — imagine if Nick actually set a lineup.
10
·
T swift’s Baddies
Gibbs drops 37 and you still lose by 49 — that's not a loss, that's a war crime.
11
▼3
Egbukkake
The Mascot, Erick None, Insta drop — your nicknames are funnier than your scores at this point.
12
·
Stroud Boys
67.62 in SuperFlex Week 14 — bjewett, blink twice if you're being held hostage by Money Mill$.
Match of the Week

Browning Out didn't just beat T swift's Baddies — they posted 207.78 in a SuperFlex league while Tony Pollard rotted on the bench for 28.10. Michael Wilson (37.20) and Puka (35.70) put up video game numbers, and even a 37-point Jahmyr Gibbs nuke from T Swift wasn't enough to keep it within 49. The scariest part: Patrick could've cracked 230 if he'd just played the right RB.

Let's start with the corpse. Stroud Boys put up 67.62 — yes, sixty-seven — in a SuperFlex league in WEEK 14. That's not a fantasy score, that's a parking ticket. Money Mill$ apparently cashed a check made of confetti, and Rub My Chubb didn't even need to try to drop 54 on him. BJewett, your team is the football equivalent of leaving the oven on for three months.

Meanwhile, Nut Olave Your Face deserves his own wing in the Bench Hall of Shame. Scored 103, optimal was 148. Mike Gesicki rotted for 23.6, and Nick still lost by under 10 to McBride's. My Njigba dropped 28 and got zero help because the rest of the lineup was apparently set by a Magic 8-Ball. McBride's wins despite Sam Darnold lighting up 23.26 from the pine — Largest of Rocks living up to the name.

The Good Ladds survived a 132-point shootout with OnlyFants thanks to 3rd Overall Somehow finally earning his draft slot (37.84). Mig also had Aaron Rodgers going for 21 on the bench, because of course he did. Cubby's consolation prize: Shedeur Sanders went for 34, Blake Corum dropped 26 on the bench, and he STILL lost by 3. That's a special kind of pain.

Little Peckers smoked Egbukkake by 38 because The Mascot apparently forgot it was game day and Erick None lived up to his name again. Szara's roster has more nicknames than functional starters at this point.

And Christian McCalfinjury edged QAmon by 3.38 in a fight nobody asked for — Turf Toe Joe went for 25 and Kyle still lost. The ARbiter hath ruled: mediocrity wins again.

Weekly Awards

Nuclear Launch Code
Browning Out

207.78 with a 28-point bench RB — Patrick is just bullying children at this point.

Bench Warmer of the Year
Nut Olave Your Face

Left 45.12 points on the bench and lost by 9.94 — you literally benched your own season.

Participation Trophy
Stroud Boys

67.62 points. In SuperFlex. In December. The Prodigal Son needs to come home and bring 100 points with him.

Heartbreak Special
OnlyFants

Shedeur drops 34, Corum sits with 26, and you lose by 3.26 — that's a Greek tragedy with a Browns jersey.