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2024 · Week 8

Week 8: AR-15 Misfires, Jets Crash Land, and 226 Alpha Drops a Nuke

Six beatdowns, one near-miss thriller, and Kyle Dech putting up a score that wouldn't beat most bye weeks.

Power Rankings

1
▲9
226 Alpha
League-high 184.66 with two bench bombs unused — the scariest part is szara wasn't even trying.
2
—
T swift's Baddies
Hung 87 on Kyle and somehow still had Jameis Winston's 23 on the bench like a flex.
3
▲4
LargestofRocks
CeeDee dropped 39.6 and the Jets' Juniors massacre felt almost unfair, almost.
4
▲1
The Good Ladds
Won by 4 in a shootout, traded for Kareem Hunt, and the Ladd-to-Ladds pipeline is officially canon.
5
▼2
OnlyFants
99.2% lineup efficiency is hot, but beating MassiveCocks isn't exactly a flex these days.
6
▲6
The Olave Garden
173 points and a loss is the most Patrickreegs result imaginable — Kelce's 30 deserved better.
7
▲2
Stroud Boys
Handled business over Bo Nix Celli but Kyle Pitts going for 27 is a mirage you can't bank on weekly.
8
▼7
Hot Cocks
Left 41.72 on the bench in a 32-point loss — Kittle's 27.8 deserves better representation.
9
▼3
Bo Nix Celli
Bo Nix put up 29.76 for the team named after him and they STILL lost — poetic justice or just bad rostering.
10
▲1
MassiveCocks
129 points and got run by OnlyFants — the name promises more than the lineup delivers.
11
—
Jets' Juniors
Lost by 54 and the roster looks like it's still in the taxi squad — mattwunder, do something.
12
▼8
Put an AR to My Head
Scored 91.9 in a SuperFlex league — the team name has officially become a user manual.
Match of the Week

The Good Ladds 177.80 vs The Olave Garden 173.86 was the only game with a pulse this week, decided by a measly 3.94. Ladd McConkey going for 29.1 for The Good Ladds (on theme) outdueled Kelce's 30-burger, and Mig56 cashed in his Kareem Hunt acquisition just in time. Patrickreegs put up 173 and STILL lost — that's the kind of week that makes you stare at your taxi squad and rethink your life.

Let's start where the laughter is loudest: Put an AR to My Head scored 91.90 points. NINETY-ONE. In a SuperFlex league. KyleDech, that's not a fantasy lineup, that's a JV roster scrimmaging a varsity team. T swift's Baddies dropped 179.30 on him with Kirk Cousins (28.64) and James Cook (28.30) doing the heavy lifting, and the wild part is Tnicolle ALSO left Jameis Winston's 23.56 on the bench. You got blown out by 87.4 and your QB room had room to spare. Truly heinous.

226 Alpha was the week's apex predator at 184.66, with Jalen Hurts (35.14) and a Cade Otton 33-spot that nobody — not even Cade Otton's mom — saw coming. Szara's only crime? Leaving Cedric Tillman (28.9) AND Matthew Stafford (25.76) rotting on the pine. You won by 32 with two grenades unpulled. Hot Cocks meanwhile left 41.72 on the bench in a loss, which is the BigD special: lose the game, lose the lineup, lose the will to set a roster.

LargestofRocks took Jets' Juniors out behind the woodshed by 54.24, CeeDee Lamb went full supernova with 39.60, and mattwunder's Juniors are looking less like a dynasty and more like a daycare. Then there's OnlyFants strangling MassiveCocks 155-129 at 99.2% lineup efficiency — Cubby is the only manager in this league who reads his own waiver wire, congrats on doing the bare minimum better than everyone else.

Stroud Boys handled Bo Nix Celli 149-128 in the battle of the QB-named teams, with Bo Nix himself going 29.76 for nickcelli — and Justin Herbert's 24.06 collecting dust on his bench. Imagine losing while your namesake balls out and your backup QB drops 24. That's a unique flavor of pain reserved exclusively for this league.

Weekly Awards

Self-Inflicted Wound of the Week
Hot Cocks

Benched 41.72 points and lost by 31.88 — do the math, BigD, you literally beat yourself.

173 and Crying Award
The Olave Garden

Dropped a Kelce 30-bomb, scored 173, and still got walked off by Mig — brutal.

Cade Otton Stat Line of the Year
226 Alpha

33.6 from Cade freaking Otton — szara, return whatever cursed amulet you stole, this isn't sustainable.

Kindly See Yourself Out
Put an AR to My Head

91.90 points. In SuperFlex. Against a team named after Taylor Swift. The disrespect writes itself.