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2024 · Week 5

Week 5: Tnicolle Drops a Bicentennial on 226 Alpha

T Swift's Baddies hung 213, Bo Nix Celli ran a perfect lineup, and Szara got publicly executed in front of the entire league.

Power Rankings

1
▲11
T swift’s Baddies
213 points and the bench could've won too — Tnicolle is running a fantasy cartel right now.
2
▲3
Bo Nix Celli
100% lineup efficiency and a 64-point beatdown — Celli is the only one in this league who reads his own waiver wire.
3
▲4
Hot Cocks
Dropped 183 with 44 bench points wasted, which means the ceiling is genuinely terrifying if BigD ever learns to set a lineup.
4
▲5
The Good Ladds
Winning games with Darnell Mooney as your WR1 is either genius or witchcraft and I'm not ruling either out.
5
▼2
The Olave Garden
Joe Burrow is the only reason Patrickreegs isn't writing apology texts in the group chat.
6
·
OnlyFants
142 is a perfectly fine score in any week that isn't this one — Cubby ran into the buzzsaw and bled out.
7
▲3
MassiveCocks
Tee Higgins went off for 29 and Papi still got steamrolled by 64 — the name's the loudest thing about this roster.
8
·
Stroud Boys
Named after a quarterback, currently being carried by everyone except quarterbacks — Bjewett's identity crisis continues.
9
▼8
Jets’ Juniors
Wunder's squad is doing exactly what the name implies: aggressively mid with brief moments of false hope.
10
▼6
LargestofRocks
Won by 9 with 34 points stapled to the bench — congrats, you beat the worst-managed lineup of the week with the second-worst.
11
▼9
Put an AR to My Head
Kyle's team name is starting to read less like a joke and more like a weekly status update.
12
▼1
226 Alpha
Lowest score of the week, biggest blowout victim of the week, and Jalen Tolbert lit the bench on fire — Szara, please blink twice if you need help.
Match of the Week

T Swift's Baddies 213.28, 226 Alpha 114.00. Tnicolle ran out Kirk Cousins (35.36), Lamar (33.42), and Drake London (33.40) and STILL left Alec Pierce's 22.4 on the pine — the kind of week where you score a hundred-burger and your bench could've beaten half the league too. Szara meanwhile watched Jalen Tolbert drop 21.7 from his bench while his starters mailed in 114, which is less a fantasy lineup and more a cry for help.

Let's start at the top: Bo Nix Celli put up 185 on MassiveCocks and posted a 100% optimal lineup, which is the fantasy equivalent of running the table at beer pong while sober. Brock Bowers (27.7) and DJ Moore (27.5) carried the freight and Papi's MassiveCocks got Tee Higgins'd into oblivion at 120.98. Cute team name, soft team output.

Hot Cocks dropped 183 on OnlyFants thanks to Ja'Marr Chase going full supernova for 41.3 — and somehow BigD STILL left 26.8 from Tucker Kraft and 17.8 from Isaiah Likely on the bench. You scored 183 with two TEs benched cooking 44 points. That's not a flex, that's a confession. Cubby's OnlyFants put up 142 with Garrett Wilson dropping 29 and it didn't matter — when the other guy's WR1 doubles up your WR1, you go home and rethink everything.

The Good Ladds handled Jets' Juniors 157-131 behind a 31.5 from Darnell Mooney, of all people. Mig is winning games on Giants receivers in 2024 and Wunder can't do a thing about it. The Olave Garden squeaked past Stroud Boys 142-133 because Joe Burrow went for 34.78 — Patrickreegs basically subcontracted his win to Cincinnati's offense and Bjewett's Stroud Boys are now living the cruel irony of being a team named after a QB who can't crack the top 10.

And then there's the LargestofRocks special: beat KyleDech by 9.32 while leaving 34.62 points on the bench, including Daniel Jones for 22 freakin' points. You had Danny Dimes cooking and started someone else. That's a war crime. Put an AR to My Head deserved better — fitting team name for the week he just had.

Weekly Awards

Nuke from Orbit
T swift’s Baddies

213.28 points and a 99-point margin — Tnicolle didn't beat Szara, she filed a missing persons report on him.

Lineup Whisperer
Bo Nix Celli

100% optimal lineup is the rarest achievement in fantasy and Celli did it while dropping 185 — disgusting behavior.

Bench Coach of the Year
Hot Cocks

Won by 40 and STILL benched 44 points across Tucker Kraft and Isaiah Likely — BigD is allergic to free money.

Danny Dimes Disrespect Award
LargestofRocks

Sat Daniel Jones for 22.08 points and won by 9 — the most Largest-of-Rocks thing imaginable.