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2024 · Week 4

Jets' Juniors Drop 199 and Half the League Forgets How to Set a Lineup

Wunder dropped a damn near 200-burger, AR pantsed MassiveCocks by 60, and 226 Alpha benched their way into the basement.

Power Rankings

1
—
Jets’ Juniors
Dropped 199.6 with a 22-point bench scratch — the rest of the league is playing for second.
2
▼1
Put an AR to My Head
Goff cooking, defense humming, and a 60-point beatdown of MassiveCocks — Dech is operating on a different frequency.
3
▲7
The Olave Garden
160 points and Justin Fields as your QB1 should be illegal, but Reegs is making it work.
4
▲2
LargestofRocks
Won the closest game of the week AND fleeced Celli for Godwin and Hubbard — buy-low Hall of Famer.
5
▲2
Bo Nix Celli
Ran a 97.8% efficient lineup, lost anyway, then made a trade that the rest of the league is still laughing about.
6
▼3
OnlyFants
Kenneth Walker hit 33.6 and Cubby is one Drake London game from being scary.
7
▼2
Hot Cocks
Scored 147 and got steamrolled — Tucker Kraft's 20.3 on the bench is the saddest part of an already sad Sunday.
8
▼4
Stroud Boys
Beat the team that benched 53 points, which is like winning a footrace against a guy in flip-flops.
9
▼1
The Good Ladds
Mig keeps losing by a touchdown and a half — the dynasty version of getting friend-zoned.
10
▼1
MassiveCocks
118 points, lost by 60, and Justice Hill rode the pine for 21.6 — name doesn't match the production, Papi.
11
▲1
226 Alpha
Left 53.34 points on the bench including a 29.5 from D'Andre Swift — Szara, please call your lineup, it's worried about you.
12
—
T swift’s Baddies
108 points in a SuperFlex league is a cry for help — Tnicolle's roster is shakin' it off straight to the cellar.
Match of the Week

LargestofRocks 149.82 over Bo Nix Celli 142.04 was the only game this week that didn't feel like a hostage situation. Celli ran his lineup at 97.8% efficiency — basically a perfect game — and STILL lost by 8 because Jayden Daniels and Jayden Reed decided to cosplay as the Jaydens of Destruction for Rocks. Then, just to twist the knife, Celli traded Chris Godwin and Chuba Hubbard to the guy who just beat him for Khalil Herbert and Jonathan Mingo. Read that sentence again.

Matt Wunder put up ONE HUNDRED NINETY-NINE POINT SIX. Derrick Henry went full Terminator for 35.9, Nico Collins added 33.1, Jordan Love chipped in 31, and Josh Downs rotted on the bench for 22 just to remind everyone Jets' Juniors is so loaded he can leave a 22-burger in the garage and still drop 200. Hot Cocks scored 147 — a number that wins most weeks — and got run off the field like a JV scout team. Baker Mayfield's 28.88 might as well have been a participation ribbon.

Meanwhile, Kyle Dech took MassiveCocks behind the woodshed 178 to 118. When your team name is MassiveCocks and you score 118 in a SuperFlex league, you should be legally required to change it to ModestCocks until further notice. Justice Hill dropped 21.6 from the pine because Papi apparently sets his lineup with a Magic 8-Ball.

The Olave Garden hung 160 on T swift's Baddies, with Justin Fields — JUSTIN FIELDS — putting up 32 points like it's 2022 again. Tnicolle scored 108 and is officially the league's designated speed bump. Stroud Boys handled 226 Alpha, but the real story is Szara left 53.34 points on the bench, including a 29.5 from D'Andre Swift. Brother. BROTHER. You scored 107 with 161 sitting in your lap. That's not a lineup, that's a crime scene.

OnlyFants survived The Good Ladds thanks to Kenneth Walker's 33.6, because of course Cubby is the one guy who rostered the Chiefs RB nobody saw coming. Mig's Ladds keep losing close, which in dynasty is just losing with extra steps. And shoutout to LargestofRocks for benching Dontayvion Wicks for 24.8 and STILL winning — the football gods clearly owe him something dark.

Weekly Awards

King Kong Shit
Jets’ Juniors

199.60 with Josh Downs napping on the bench — Wunder might not lose until November.

Bench Coordinator of the Year
226 Alpha

53.34 points left in the holster, headlined by D'Andre Swift's 29.5 — the lineup was set by a Roomba.

Pyrrhic Victory Lap
LargestofRocks

Won by 8 and benched Dontayvion Wicks for 24.8 — the football gods personally protected this man.

Trade Deadline? Never Heard of Her
Bo Nix Celli

Sent Godwin and Chuba out for Khalil Herbert and Jonathan Mingo — somewhere a fantasy analyst spit out his coffee.