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2024 · Week 18

Week 18: The Meaningless Massacre Where Half the League Forgot to Set a Lineup

No matchups, no stakes, just T swift's Baddies dropping 156 on a ghost while 226 Alpha posted a score that wouldn't beat your kicker.

Power Rankings

1
—
T swift’s Baddies
Dropped 156 in a fake week because Tnicolle physically cannot stop cooking — Gibbs and London are unfair.
2
—
Jets’ Juniors
91.4% lineup efficiency in Week 18 is the behavior of a man who alphabetizes his spice rack — also Derrick Henry still eats.
3
▲5
Bo Nix Celli
Bijan plus Herbert is a top-3 core, but leaving 70 points on the bench is the kind of move that costs you a title in March.
4
▲2
The Olave Garden
Bo Nix dropped 33.54 for The Olave Garden — the eponymous QB experience is officially in full marinara mode.
5
▼4
Put an AR to My Head
Freiermuth's 26.5 is cute, but Kyle's roster still feels one Herbert injury away from the team name being a real cry for help.
6
▼1
Hot Cocks
Jakobi Meyers in Jacksonville posting 27.3 is the kind of weird flex that perfectly matches the BigD1234567 brand.
7
▼5
MassiveCocks
Didn't show up in a single highlight this week — the most MassiveCocks thing imaginable.
8
▼4
OnlyFants
Ghosted the recap entirely, Cubby — appropriate for a team named after a subscription nobody renews.
9
▼2
LargestofRocks
Quentin Johnston went for 31.6 and you still feel like the team most likely to lose a trade in your sleep.
10
▲1
The Good Ladds
Benched Bryce Young's only competent game of the decade — 36.44 points of pure unforced error.
11
▼2
Stroud Boys
Sanders and Boutte combined for 51.3 on the bench — bjewett managing a roster like he's reading the names off a cereal box.
12
·
226 Alpha
33.10 points. Thirty-three. Szara, a competent autodraft would mug you in a parking lot.
Match of the Week

There were no matchups, but the spiritual heavyweight bout was T swift's Baddies (156.80) vs the concept of effort, and effort got DOMINATED. Jahmyr Gibbs hung 46, Drake London chipped in 40.7, and the rest of the league watched like it was a pay-per-view they didn't order. Meanwhile, 226 Alpha rolled out a 33.10 — a number so small it could've been a TE's stat line in a normal week.

Welcome to Week 18, the fantasy football equivalent of a bar at 3am — nobody's supposed to be here, the lights are on, and the people still hanging around are making questionable decisions. T swift's Baddies treated the dead week like a championship game, riding Jahmyr Gibbs' 46-burger and Drake London's 40.7 to a casual 156.80. Tnicolle, you do realize the season's over, right? You can stop now. The trophy isn't getting any shinier.

Then there's 226 Alpha, who showed up with 33.10 points like it was a charity walk. Szara, my guy, that's not a fantasy score, that's a tip on a dinner check. You could've started a JUGS machine and outscored that.

Bo Nix Celli wins the Most Insufferable Performance award by scoring 131.16 — a perfectly respectable number — while leaving SEVENTY POINTS on the bench. Michael Penix sat there with 25.98 like a benched prom date, and Dameon Pierce added another 23.60 to the pyre. Optimal lineup was 201.82, Nick. You actively chose to be worse.

The Good Ladds deserve their own circle of hell: Bryce Young — BRYCE FREAKING YOUNG — went off for 36.44 on the bench. Mig, you finally found the week Bryce Young was usable and you locked him in the closet. Stroud Boys joined the party by stapling Miles Sanders (26.6) and Kayshon Boutte (24.7) to the pine — a combined 51 points of "who?" that actually would've mattered if anything mattered.

Shoutouts: Quentin Johnston posted 31.6 for LargestofRocks because of course this is the week he remembers he's a first-round pick. Pat Freiermuth dropped 26.5 for Put an AR to My Head, finally justifying a roster spot. And Jets' Juniors hit 91.4% lineup efficiency in a week that does not exist — Wunder, log off, touch grass, kiss someone.

Weekly Awards

The 'Why Are You Still Trying' Trophy
T swift’s Baddies

156.80 in a meaningless week — Tnicolle showed up to an empty stadium and ran up the score on the janitors.

The Bench Warmer Hall of Shame
Bo Nix Celli

70.66 points stapled to the pine — an optimal-lineup war crime that would've won any real matchup by 40.

The 'You Picked The Wrong Week' Award
The Good Ladds

Bryce Young finally posted a 36-burger and Mig had him benched behind literally anyone else — chef's kiss disaster.

The Participation Citation
226 Alpha

33.10 points is what happens when half your starters are on bye and the other half are retired — Szara basically forfeited.