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2024 · Week 16

Semifinal Slaughter: Three Teams Score 170+ While 226 Alpha Brings a Knife to a Nuke Fight

Week 16 was the fantasy equivalent of a firing squad — Put an AR to My Head, The Olave Garden, and T swift's Baddies all hit cruise altitude while half the league got their teeth kicked in.

Power Rankings

1
·
Put an AR to My Head
188.78, the highest score of the week, and Saquon-BTJ is the most terrifying stack still breathing — Kyle is the title favorite and it isn't close.
2
▲1
The Olave Garden
Dropped 188.50 and made a team that got 69 combined points from Daniels and Hubbard look like a JV squad.
3
▼1
T swift's Baddies
171 points, advanced to the next round, and somehow still left Chig Okonkwo's 23.6 on the bench like a psychopath.
4
▲2
The Good Ladds
Jonathan Taylor went nuclear for 39.80 and Mig still managed to leave 30 points on the pine — talent is carrying you, not the brain.
5
▲6
OnlyFants
Survived by 5.18 thanks to Jefferson's 36.40 — you advanced, but don't pretend that wasn't a near-death experience.
6
▼1
Stroud Boys
Beat the league's lowest scorer by 38 — congrats on bullying a corpse, Bewett.
7
▲3
LargestofRocks
Got 68 combined from Daniels and Hubbard, lost by 29, and benched a 21.8 Tank Dell — that's a roster crime.
8
·
Bo Nix Celli
Lost a 154-point shootout by five points and now your season is a podcast — tough scenes.
9
·
Hot Cocks
Scored 147 and got blown out by 41 — when the scoreboard insults you that hard, maybe it's time to retool.
10
▼3
Jets' Juniors
Hit 100% lineup efficiency and lost by 34 — Wunder, the universe is personally bullying you.
11
▲1
MassiveCocks
Lost by 38 with Gus Edwards' 20.1 marinating on the bench — Papi managed this lineup like he was on vacation.
12
▼8
226 Alpha
114.34 in a playoff week is a hate crime against your own roster — Szara, just hand in the badge.
Match of the Week

OnlyFants 159.60 over Bo Nix Celli 154.42 was the only matchup with a pulse — Justin Jefferson dropped a 36.40 piano on Celli's head and Cubby still barely escaped by five. Everywhere else was a beatdown by 29+. If you wanted competitive football this week, you watched this game or you watched nothing.

Put an AR to My Head dropped a league-high 188.78 on Hot Cocks and turned BigD's playoff hopes into a crime scene — Brian Thomas Jr. (28.2) and Saquon (27.0) didn't just win the matchup, they personally signed the death certificate. 41-point margin. Hot Cocks scored 147.78 and got run off the field; that's the cruelest kind of loss.

The Olave Garden put up 188.50 and Patrickreegs is officially the scariest man left in the bracket — Achane's 31 burgers torched LargestofRocks, who got 36.42 from Jayden Daniels AND 32.5 from Chuba Hubbard and STILL lost by 29. Oh, and Tank Dell rotted on your bench for 21.8. Read that back to yourself.

T swift's Baddies cooked Jets' Juniors 171-136 behind Keenan Allen (29.1) and James Cook (27.6), though Tnicolle left Chig Okonkwo and his 23.6 on the pine — imagine winning by 35 and STILL leaving a TE explosion in the chamber. Wunder, meanwhile, ran 100% lineup efficiency and lost by 34. There is no god.

The Good Ladds dismantled MassiveCocks 161-122, but Mig left THIRTY POINTS on the bench including a 27.12 Bryce Young eruption — yes, that Bryce Young, the one nobody on Earth started. Papi countered with Gus Edwards rotting for 20.1. A real battle of decision-making giants.

Stroud Boys handled 226 Alpha 152-114 in what can only be described as Szara forgetting it was a playoff week — 114.34 is league-low, season-defining, send-help numbers. James Conner's 26.6 was basically a solo concert in an empty arena.

And Jonathan Taylor went for 39.80 for The Good Ladds because of course he did.

Weekly Awards

Nuke of the Week
Put an AR to My Head

188.78 and a 41-point bludgeoning — Kyle didn't beat Hot Cocks, he evicted them.

Bench Warmer Hall of Shame
The Good Ladds

Left 30.06 on the bench including a 27.12 Bryce Young — the only manager alive who could've started him and didn't.

Cruelest Loss Award
Jets' Juniors

Perfect 100% lineup, optimal start across the board, lost by 34.52 — Wunder, file a complaint with God.

No-Show of the Week
226 Alpha

Mustered 114.34 in a playoff matchup — Szara brought a Nerf gun to a war.