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2024 · Week 15

AR to the Head, Bullet to the Bracket: 200-Point Shootout Saves the Quarterfinals

Put an AR to My Head and T swift's Baddies combined for 398 points in a game decided by a missed extra point's worth of margin, while OnlyFants got curb-stomped into the offseason.

Power Rankings

1
▲3
Put an AR to My Head
Dropped 200 in a playoff game and somehow that was the SCARY win — Goff/ARSB/BTJ is a cheat code, even if Kyle keeps benching points like he hates money.
2
▲9
T swift's Baddies
Lost by 3 with 49 on the bench — the most talented team in the league is also the dumbest, and yes, both of those things can be true.
3
▲2
The Olave Garden
Quietly punching tickets and putting up 152 — Patrick is the guy at the party nobody notices until he's the last one standing.
4
▼1
226 Alpha
James Conner hit 30 in December which violates several laws of physics, but Szara is rolling into the semis like he planned this.
5
▲4
Stroud Boys
Got 30 from Aaron Rodgers in 2024 and used it to bury OnlyFants — let that absurdity wash over you.
6
▼4
The Good Ladds
41 from Josh Allen and still lost by 23 — Mig, your QB carried the team to the gates of Mordor and then the rest of the roster sat down.
7
▲5
Jets' Juniors
Mike Evans went for 37 and it bought you a 15-point loss and a winter of regret — congrats on the participation trophy.
8
▼2
Bo Nix Celli
96.7% lineup efficiency in a week that didn't matter — nailing the parking job after you've already missed the wedding.
9
▼8
Hot Cocks
Baker dropped 29 and you still let 23 points of Bateman rot on the bench — that's not a team, that's a hostage situation.
10
▼3
LargestofRocks
Quiet as a fart in church this week — fitting for a season that ended somewhere around Halloween.
11
▼3
OnlyFants
Got blowtorched by 32 in a playoff game — Cubby, the bracket has an exit and you found it face-first.
12
▼2
MassiveCocks
Scored 92, left 56 on the bench, started everyone except the guys who scored — Papi posted an optimal of 149 and chose violence against himself.
Match of the Week

Put an AR to My Head 200.74, T swift's Baddies 197.64. Goff (41), ARSB (37) and Brian Thomas (32) put up a video game line for Kyle, but Davante Adams (42.80) and Lamar (36.10) damn near hauled Tnicolle out of the grave by themselves. The dagger? DeVonta Smith dropping 28 on T swift's bench while Jalen Coker wasted another 21 next to him — a 49-point couch party that turned a coin flip into a funeral.

Welcome to the playoffs, where the lineups are juiced and the bench decisions decide your season. Kyle's 200.74 was the highest output of the year for him and he STILL almost blew it because Jalen McMillan dropped 18.5 in street clothes. Tnicolle has to be in the fetal position right now — you score 197.64, get 42 from Davante and 36 from Lamar, and lose by a field goal because you couldn't figure out that DeVonta Smith was going to play football on Sunday. Forty-nine points on the bench in a 3-point loss. That's not a tough beat, that's a war crime against your own roster.

Meanwhile, OnlyFants got dragged behind the woodshed by Stroud Boys 145-112, with Aaron Rodgers of all people putting up 30 to send Cubby into the consolation bracket where he belongs. Bjewett gets to keep dancing. The Olave Garden handled Jets' Juniors 152-137 despite Mike Evans going full nuclear (36.9) for Wunder — Patrick advances, Matt goes home wondering why he benched anyone who scored more than a sandwich.

226 Alpha rolled The Good Ladds 155-131 in a game where Josh Allen put up 41 and it didn't matter because Mig's supporting cast apparently went Christmas shopping. James Conner cooking for 30 in December? Szara is dangerous.

And in the consolation pit of despair, MassiveCocks posted a league-worst 92.40 while leaving 56.74 on the bench — including an 18.48 from Drake Maye. Papi, your optimal lineup was 149. You started the wrong human beings at a historic clip. Hot Cocks left 23 points of Bateman rotting on the pine. Even the losers can't lose right.

Weekly Awards

Bench Crime of the Century
T swift's Baddies

DeVonta Smith (28) and Jalen Coker (21) combined for 49 bench points in a 3-point playoff loss — Tnicolle, you didn't lose, you outsourced it.

Lineup Arsonist of the Week
MassiveCocks

Scored 92.40 with an optimal of 149.14 — leaving 56 points on the bench is a personality, not an accident.

He Tried, Bless Him
The Good Ladds

Josh Allen put up 41 and still got bounced by 23 — Mig, your QB is screaming for help and the rest of your roster has noise-cancelling headphones.

Quarterfinal Curb Stomp
Stroud Boys

Beat OnlyFants by 32 with 30 points from Aaron Rodgers in the year of our Lord 2024 — somewhere a Jets fan is throwing a remote.