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2024 · Week 14

Week 14: The Hot Cocks Drop a 190-Burger and Nobody's Safe

Six teams won, six teams got buried, and Jets' Juniors bricked a 117 like it was Week 1 again.

Power Rankings

1
▲1
Hot Cocks
190 points, Chase and Tyreek both eating, and the rest of the league filing restraining orders.
2
▲5
The Good Ladds
Josh Allen put up 51 and Mig is starting to look like the guy nobody wants to draw in Round 1.
3
▲6
226 Alpha
Won by 35 with a starting QB on the bench going for 20 — terrifying depth, questionable decision-making.
4
▲7
Put an AR to My Head
Hung 164 on the worst team in the league this week — calm down, Achilles.
5
▼1
The Olave Garden
Survived by 5 thanks to Puka, but the bench is screaming louder than the win column.
6
▼1
Bo Nix Celli
98.7% efficient and still only beat OnlyFants by 18 — peak surgical mediocrity, if mediocrity could win.
7
▲3
LargestofRocks
Lost a 5-point game while leaving 29 on the bench — congrats, you played yourself.
8
▼5
OnlyFants
Got 32 from Jefferson and still lost; when your superstar shows up and you don't, you ARE the problem.
9
▲3
Stroud Boys
Got out-QB'd by 30 in a SuperFlex league named after a QB — the irony writes itself.
10
▼9
MassiveCocks
130 points in SuperFlex is a participation trophy with extra steps.
11
▼3
T swift's Baddies
Lost by 50, which technically isn't a loss, that's just witnessing a crime.
12
▼6
Jets' Juniors
Lowest score in the league in Week 14 — the Jets brand is fully operational.
Match of the Week

Olave Garden vs LargestofRocks was the only game with a pulse, decided by 5.36 points after Puka Nacua dumped 41.80 on Patrickreegs's behalf. The kicker? LargestofRocks left 28.86 points on the bench — Drew Lock and Quentin Johnston combined for 31+ in street clothes while the active lineup waved goodbye to a winnable game. That's not losing. That's losing with footnotes.

Hot Cocks dropped 190.42 and turned T swift's Baddies into a charity stream. Ja'Marr Chase went full nuclear with 45.10, Tyreek chipped in 28.10, and Tnicolle got to spend the afternoon watching her team get curb-stomped by 50. That's not a matchup, that's a hostage situation.

The Good Ladds rode Josh Allen's 51.88-point Voltron impression to a 173-point thrashing of Stroud Boys. Bjewett, your team is named after a quarterback and you got out-QB'd by 30. Isaac Guerendo posted 26.80 like he's been doing this for years. Mig is cooking.

Put an AR to My Head hung 164 on Jets' Juniors and Jordan Addison went off for 39.30 — and somehow Kyle STILL left 21.90 points of Jalen McMillan on the bench. You won by 46, dude, but optimal-you was running up the score like a JV coach with daddy issues. Meanwhile Wunder's squad scored 117.60, the literal lowest in the league, in a week where Sam Darnold dropped 34. Read that again.

226 Alpha handled MassiveCocks by 35 despite Szara benching a 20.80 Stafford performance — which is impressive efficiency for a guy who left a top-3 QB week chilling. 7BigPapi7, you put up 130 in a SuperFlex league. That's a punt.

Bo Nix Celli quietly ran the most efficient lineup of the week (98.7%) and Zach Charbonnet went 38.30 to bury OnlyFants. Cubby got 32 from JJ and still lost — when Jefferson can't save you, nothing can.

And Olave Garden squeaked by while leaving Juwan Johnson's 17 on the pine. A win's a win, Reegs, but stop benching touchdowns at a TE-premium position.

Weekly Awards

Crime Scene of the Week
T swift's Baddies

50.28-point loss while the opponent's WR1 alone outscored half your starting lineup.

Bench Coach of the Year
LargestofRocks

Lost by 5 with 28.86 points sitting on the bench — Drew Lock and Quentin Johnston are filing for back pay.

Stat-Padder Supreme
The Good Ladds

Josh Allen's 51.88 was less of a fantasy performance and more of a hate crime against Stroud Boys.

Loudest Whimper
Jets' Juniors

Lost by 46 AND finished as the week's lowest scorer — the Wunder double-dip nobody wanted.